On paper, I have the life I want.

So why can’t I be happy?

This is a common feeling and it’s usually combined with feelings of guilt and shame. If you’ve got the house, the career, the relationship, the family and most importantly, your health, your rational brain will say, ‘what right do I have to complain?’

But there’s still a nagging feeling that something just isn’t working for you.

We get so busy buying into a life we’re sold, we forget to stop and ask if it’s what we really want. But it’s never too late to make the changes we need to live a content and fulfilled life.

And the good news is that it starts with us; a little self care, a little self-love and the courage to make small changes that make a huge difference to how we see ourselves and our world.

How can we enjoy the life we’ve worked so hard to create?

⦁ Self-Exploration
You have to know yourself to love yourself. When was the last time you checked-in with who you are? Chances are you’ve experienced different relationships, maybe divorce, lost parents or other important people in your life. Maybe you’ve had children, several career changes, moved somewhere new, or experienced other life-changing experiences.

All life events shape us differently in some way; change our values, our priorities, our strengths and how we see the world, so it’s important to check-in with ourselves and reflect on who we are and who we want to become.

Some questions to ask yourself are:

⦁ What are my values?
⦁ What do I want my life to look like 5 years from now?
⦁ Which aspects of my life align with what I want?
⦁ What changes do I need to make?

⦁ What’s stopping you?
This is where you need to go deep and ask yourself, ‘what’s really stopping me from making the changes I want?’ Often these are engrained ways of seeing ourselves and our world, that are damaging and limit our potential to live the life we want.

Common blocks for people are:

⦁ fear (of judgement, failure, mistakes, the unknown)
⦁ the need to people please or put other people’s needs before our own
⦁ guilt
⦁ finances
⦁ lack of self-belief
⦁ lack of confidence

And a whole host of limiting beliefs like; it’s too hard, I can’t, I’m not worth it, I don’t deserve to be happy, I haven’t got time to focus on me.

Everyone deserves to be happy but pretending we’re ok sometimes feels easier than taking steps to make the changes we want. Change takes courage, consistency and commitment. But it’s totally worth it.

So, change your self talk. Tell yourself you can, you’re worth it, you deserve to be happy. Changing the way we see ourselves, focusing on what we CAN do instead of the things we can’t, empowers us to live the life we want.

⦁ Remember, it’s the little things that matter
Feeling the contentment and fulfilment you want in your day to day life doesn’t mean making drastic changes. What activities give you a sense of joy, love, gratitude and pride? Do more of that!!

If you don’t know what sparks these feelings anymore, have fun finding out! What did you enjoy doing when you were a child? We get so busy ‘adulting’ and being responsible, it can be really fun to reconnect with the things we enjoyed in our younger days.

Increasing our daily diet of positive emotions allows us to flourish as human beings. It’s as important as eating our fruit and veggies and taking regular exercise. As well as allowing us to flourish mentally and emotionally, positive emotions also open up our view of the world and have been scientifically proven to improve physical health too. So, create the opportunity to experience positive emotions as often as you can.

⦁ Respect your freedom of choice
We make thousands of choices every day. Lots of them are so hard wired into our brain, we don’t even think about them. How can you be more respectful of your freedom to choose? How can you make choices that feel good and align with who you are and what you want for your future self? Choose to spend time doing what nourishes your mind, body and soul over harmful, self-destructive behaviours and habits that are no longer serving you.

Respect your choice to say no, respect your boundaries and protect your wellbeing. It’s ok to take a break, take time out and spend quality time doing what you love. Don’t feel guilty for looking after YOU. Great questions to ask yourself, is this choice taking me closer to the life I want or is it pushing me further away? How is this choice nourishing my mind, body and soul?

⦁ Be courageous
Nothing changes if nothing changes. Take the first step and try new things. Feel scared and do it anyway. Fear is a sign that we’re stepping outside our comfort zone. This is a good thing. It’s where surprise, growth, new experiences and new opportunities happen.

On paper, you have the life you want, so find the contentment you deserve by knowing yourself, removing limiting beliefs, increasing your daily diet of positive emotions, making good choices and being courageous.