Knowledge is power

only when we do something with it

Knowledge is power only when we DO something with it. ACTION is the difference between ‘knowing’ and ‘being’.

Do you often catch yourself thinking or saying life ‘feels like a rollercoaster’, or that you’re ‘stuck in vicious cycles’ or ‘downward spirals’? When you set yourself a goal, do you easily give up because you feel you’ll ‘never’ achieve it? Does your ‘all or nothing’ mentality let you down?

Feeling this way keeps us stuck in unhelpful situations and cycles that have a negative effect on our emotions and sense of wellbeing. We set ourselves goals but never achieve them because our engrained way of doing, thinking and believing gets in the way. It doesn’t have to be this way.

We look around at others who seem to be ‘easily’ achieving the things we want. Frustration kicks in; ‘Life’s not fair!’ Why does exercise, healthy eating, and great relationships come so easy to other people? What’s wrong with me? Then envy and bitterness take a swipe, ‘well those other people must be born that way, or know something I don’t.’ ‘I’ll never be like that, so why bother trying?’ And finally we accept defeat and fall back into the toxic cycles we’re desperate to escape.

But it’s not over yet, the worst is yet to come. We turn emotions of frustration, envy and bitterness into anxiety and self-loathing. We say things to ourselves we wouldn’t dream of uttering to our worst enemies; ‘I’m fat’, ‘I’m stupid’, ‘I’m worthless, ‘I’m ugly’, ‘I’m a terrible person’. We wouldn’t say these things to a friend, so why on earth do we say them to ourselves?

We turn to the internet and self-help books, desperately seeking the ‘secret’ that will magically transform our lives and our thinking. We know it’s out there because we see other people achieving exactly what we want. We spend time and money searching and investing in the ‘secret to our success’. “Knowledge is power!” We devour the content thinking, ‘of course! This makes sense!’ ‘Yes, this is exactly what happens to me!’ And we breathe a sigh of relief that everything we’re thinking and feeling has an explanation and a reason. And we’re not crazy after all.

The rollercoaster and the vicious cycles subside for a while, or we push our goals and dreams to one side while we ‘focus’ on other things. But nothing really changes. The calm is fleeting and the problems return.

It IS possible to step off the rollercoaster and away from vicious cycles and downward spirals. Doing this takes ACTION, commitment and consistency. EVERY SINGLE DAY.

1. AWARENESS
Awareness is the first step to making the changes we want. When we become aware of unhelpful situations and feelings, we can begin to do something about them. Notice your actions, thoughts, feelings and behaviour around the thing you want to change. Ask yourself, how do you really want your actions, thoughts, feelings and behaviour to be in the future?

2. REFLECTION
What’s the ‘why’ behind the problem? It’s important to look inward here and not place the blame on other people or situations. We can’t change other people and we can’t control the challenges life throws at us, so it’s important to focus on the things we DO have the power to change…Ourselves.

We often use excess of food, alcohol, TV, screen time, drug use and other unhealthy habits to either provide us with an emotion we are lacking, or to numb emotions we don’t want to experience. So it’s important to ask yourself, what am I getting from this behaviour? For example, we might binge on chocolate to give us a feeling of comfort or pleasure. We might drink excessively to remove inhibitions and feel freer. Next, ask yourself, how can I get the same feeling in a healthy way? If you’re not making the progress you want to make professionally, ask yourself why? Maybe it’s dissatisfaction, or fear of failure and stepping outside of your comfort zone? If your feeling stuck in a loveless marriage. Ask why? Do we really create the time for each other? What’s my 50% contribution towards affection and connection in my marriage?

3. SWITCH
Stop focusing on problems and switch to positive outcomes instead. Focusing on problems such as eating too many unhealthy snacks, drinking too much, shouting too much at our children, procrastination, relationship problems etc creates negative emotions such as anxiety, stress and worry. When we feel these negative emotions, we react in fight, flight or freeze mode. None of these reactions are helpful. It’s far better to RESPOND to situations rather than react.

Focusing on positive outcomes such as; enjoying food/drink in a healthy way, discussing and co-operating with our children, enjoying a fulfilling relationship with our partner, evokes positive emotions such as calmness, contentment and motivation. These are things to look forward to, not run away from, fight with, or ignore.

4. ACTION
When you know the positive outcome you want to create, it’s time to take action. Start every day by setting your alarm 30 minutes earlier than when you need to wake up. Write down the positive outcome you want. Decide on 3 actions you will take in your day to get you closer to the outcome you want. Then do it. Don’t wait for Monday. Don’t wait for approval from friends, family or the universe. Just do it. Nothing changes if nothing changes. Change is scary, but do it anyway! Breaking cycles means doing things differently, so just go for it! There is no such thing as ‘wasted action’. Some actions will get you closer to your outcome, others will push you away or be ineffective. That’s ok. Learn from the experience. Persevere with the actions that work, and change the ones that don’t. Get creative!! Try things you’ve never done before and things that make you uncomfortable. You’ll be surprised at the results when you step outside your comfort zone.

5. CONSISTENCY
We have to commit to the positive outcomes we want and act consistently. Doing something now and again doesn’t get us where we want to be. Consistent action every single day and repeating patterns of behaviour is how we create new ways of being and changes in our thinking and our habits. We don’t achieve a healthy lifestyle by opting for nutritious food 50% of the time. We don’t get fit by going to the gym once a month. You don’t have a fulfilling relationship with the odd grand gesture at birthdays and anniversaries. It’s the little things, repeated every single day, especially when we don’t feel like it, that achieve success and the outcomes we want. If we have an unhealthy meal or miss our slot at the gym, get back on track as quickly as possible. Don’t write off days, weeks and months for one bad decision or moment of weakness. Repeat the process; awareness, reflection, switch, ACTION as quickly as possible.

6. SELF-LOVE
We must love ourselves and be kind to ourselves, no matter what. Beating ourselves up because we’ve made mistakes is a complete waste of time and energy. We’re human beings. We make mistakes! Most people value kindness, respect, peace and good humour but how often do we show ourselves those qualities? We must make time for ourselves, prioritise doing the things that make us happy and forgive ourselves in good humour when we get things wrong. If we can’t find happiness from within and love the reality of who we are, the rest of the ‘stuff’ is, … well, … just ‘stuff’.