You can’t be superwoman all of the time!

What positive Psychology teaches us about embracing the dark side of life.

The first time I meet a lot of coaching clients, they tell me they want to get rid of their negative self talk. They don’t like experiencing ‘negative feelings’ such as anger, sadness, frustration and jealousy. They want to swerve self-sabotage and ‘down days’ at all costs so they can consistently show up as the best version of themselves. And they want to know that the action they take towards their goals and dreams will end in success, not failure.

Positive Psychology has received criticism for focusing only on the positive aspects of life. But this is a misunderstanding. Positive Psychology also explores the most difficult and painful life experiences such as grief, trauma, suffering and change. Despite the challenge involved in difficult emotions and situations, Positive Psychology teaches us that such experiences can lead to growth, insight, healing and positive transformation.

Negative self-talk, negative feelings, down-days, challenges and failure are all part of the rich tapestry of life. It’s important to learn to embrace the dark side of life by being a friend to yourself and giving yourself the compassion you deserve.

Here’s the truth:
⦁   You can’t get rid of negative self-talk. You can learn to understand it and manage it so it’s not running your life, but you can’t get rid of it entirely.

⦁   Feelings are just feelings. They’re not positive and they’re not negative. How can you understand joy and happiness if you’ve never experienced sadness and despair? Anger has a very bad reputation but it’s actually the catalyst for a great deal of positive change. Some feelings are unpleasant but it’s worth sitting with them for a while.

⦁   We all self-sabotage from time to time and have ‘down days’. That’s ok. It’s part of being human. Goals are not sticks to beat yourself with. If you go off track, it’s ok. You can get back on track quickly with the very next choice you make.

⦁   Failure is the pathway to success, not the opposite of success. Failure is the best teacher and you will learn and grow more from failure than you will success. The world is full of second chances, don’t be too blinded by failure to see them.

Social media sells us a distorted version of being human. One in which everyone seems to be happy and winning at life. But this is not reality. Nor should you want it to be. You are not perfect but you are strong and resilient. You are not made to bend and break.

You are superwoman.

Just make sure you give yourself a day off.